Woe unto Israel

I joked for days about what I’d do, given the opportunity. I joked seriously, half-seriously, “I’d be willing to martyr myself for this cause.” I’d throw tomatoes, a pie, drop a banner, talk trash to his face, strangle him with my bare hands. Something, anything.

I considered the pie my best option. Key lime, perhaps. Something messy, with a lot of cream and custard. Something he’d have to eat like the seven years of fecal waste we’ve been made to eat by his administration.

But in the end, I did nothing.

It was not out of respect for the medina, its emissaries, Mr. Peres, or anything of the sort, though I like to believe it was, in part, out of respect for the people of Israel, who need not countenance any further disgrace. Certainly, it was not out of respect for the United States, it’s lost principles, nor the mythic notion of the Office of President. Nor was it for fear of repercussion, though no doubt I would have lost my job, been permanently banned from the state of Israel, and in all likelihood spent a fair amount of time in jail getting raped in every orifice. Maybe I’d have even gotten myself killed. In fact, I doubt I’d have even managed to raise the pie in my hand before I’d have been tackled and had a gun stuffed in my mouth.

In truth, I’m not quite sure why I didn’t act. I kid myself, thinking it would have been worth it to be the most beloved man on the planet Earth for at least two weeks before I’d be forgotten. It would have been desperately needed positive PR for the Jews. The headlines would read: “Jew shames shameless pig on world stage, redeems his people.”

But instead, like a nightmare in which you find yourself paralyzed at a moment of imminent danger, I summoned every ounce of will in my body to restrain myself from outpouring the primal scream resonating within.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen. Tuesday night I stood in the same room, no more than 20 feet from President George W. Bush. The man himself. The Destroyer of Worlds. In the flesh. Sharing the very air I breathed. And yet somehow, somehow, I remained silent.

I am reminded of my visit to Buchenwald, a few years back. Fearing the likelihood of being overwhelmed emotionally by the spectre of the Shoah, I explored the site with my camera, which served as a buffer between me and the immediacy of the experience. Similarly, as I watched Bush that night through my camera’s viewfinder, I was able to soften the blow by creating the impression, “No, I’m not really here, witnessing this. I’m watching on television.”

But ultimately it was not so much Bush’s presence that troubled me ever so gravely. Nor was it the fact that Shimon Peres, Ehud Olmert and Sheldon Adelson led the public fellation of this war criminal, hailing him, without any sense of irony, as a great and honorable American leader who has been “the best friend Israel has ever had.” “The best President” in American history even. This, despite Bush’s responsibility for the deaths of an estimated 1 million Iraqi civilians. This, despite his strategic failures that have led directly to the strengthening of Islamic extremists around the globe. This, despite his authorization of torture by U.S. servicemen, his evisceration of the U.S. Constitution, and his years of inaction which contributed directly to the demise of the Israeli-Palestinian peace process.

No, this is not what angered and sickened me so, for what can we expect from our politicians and business leaders but bald faced lies?

What upset me so much so that, in all seriousness, I had to control my gag reflex to prevent myself from vomiting there on the spot, was the fact that as these men stood there with perfectly straight faces telling one lie after another, 3,500 Jewish leaders from around the world, in turn, stood and applauded after the delivery of each and every lie.

It was as if the speakers had each held up a red colored card, pointed to it and said, “This is green! This is sooooo green! This is the greenest green that green has ever been,” and everyone in the room applauded while nodding to each other and kvelling, “How true! It’s like crazy green!”

After three hours of this nonsense, after three hours of listening to self-congratulatory speeches and the thunderous applause given absurdly grandiose remarks like Sheldon Adelson’s statement, “All of the Jewish people throughout the world are thankful for your being the most supportive United States President in Israel’s 60 year history,” and Peres’ preposterous accolade, “You taught the world that it is possible to be powerful without being power hungry,” I was so exceedingly ill, so sick of heart, mind and body, that upon exiting the conference center, I nearly fell on my knees and vomited. “It’s Purim in Jerusalem!” I exclaimed.

The next morning I awoke so emotionally drained and physically depleted — my immune system was so worn down — that I could not get out of bed and I had broken out with a cold sore.

I am still parsing the experience — still trying to understand what I had witnessed, and really trying to decide if I want anything to do with the purportedly moderate Zionist community, these conventions, these leadership seminars, this absolute, utterly inane, mind-numbingly awful bullshit anymore.

May G-d have mercy on the Jewish people and on the people of Israel. And may G-d forgive me for my failure to take a stand.